A few weeks ago I was bored in my office. So, I decided to count the number of weddings I have performed here at the Newman Center during the past 12 years. Can you guess how many marriages I have witnessed? 346 to be exact. The thing I don’t know and, perhaps, don’t want to know, is how many of those marriages still exist. If statistics indicate anything, then about half of those marriages have or will end in divorce. By the way, I do not give refunds.
There are so many reasons why people marry. Although most will say that they do so out of love for their partner, some marry for reasons other than love. Some marry because they are lonely and desire companionship. Some marry for money and support. Some marry to please their parents. Some marry because a child is involved. Unfortunately, too many people fail to consider the spiritual dimensions of being married.
On the flip side, there are many reasons why married couples divorce. Some say that they no longer love their partner. Others end marriage because of money. Still others end their marriages because they no longer view the marriage as beneficial to them. Sadly, some marriages end because of abuse or neglect.
When it comes to marrying and divorcing, the Christian community looks to the spiritual integrity of couples. Because of this responsibility, the Church will seek to discern, with the couple, the spiritual nature of their relationship before their marriage. And even when a couple seeks to end their marriage, it is the Church’s responsibility to discern the spiritual reasons why a marriage should end. Unfortunately, many couples do not include the faith community’s assistance in this process of discernment when marrying or divorcing.
In biblical times, marriages were valued for their economic and social benefits. The marriage of a man and woman was often orchestrated by families— in particular, the fathers of the families. Marriage was a way of securing financial deals involving money, property, and trade. Because it was the man who was seen as the one who could enter into such a contract, the result was that the woman was seen as one of the goods of that contract. Women were not equal partners in marriage but they were property. As a piece of property, they could not negotiate the terms of marriage nor could they claim any personal rights in that marriage. This was seen in the fact that husbands could dismiss their wives for any number of reasons: infidelity, infertility, or even for not fulfilling the duties of the household. It seems that even Moses allowed a husband to dismiss his wife for whatever reason.
In today’s Gospel, we hear how some religious leaders approach Jesus with the question: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for whatever reason?” Of course, the religious leaders already knew that this was OK. After all, Moses allowed it. In fact, they were not interested in the real answer to the question. They were merely interested in trapping Jesus— to see if Jesus would disagree with Moses on the matter. This might paint Jesus as someone who went against the law of Moses.
In responding to the question, Jesus does not say whether or not divorce should be permitted. What he does is to go to the root of the issue. And the real question is: What is marriage?
In giving answer to the question, Jesus defines marriage by stating what God’s intentions are for marriage. Jesus knows what Moses allowed and why he allowed it, but he is more concerned with God’s view of marriage.
In determining God’s view of marriage, Jesus goes back to the creation story. In that story, God saw that it was not good for the man to be alone. Even with all the wild animals that God gave the man, none proved to be the suitable partner. So, God causes the man to fall asleep and, according to the story, he takes one of his ribs and fashions it into a woman. When God brings the woman to the man, the man says, “Wow! This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” In other words, this one is just like me! I can talk to her and she can talk to me. I can love her and she can love me. I can live with her and she can live with me. God accomplishes for both man and woman a unity which goes beyond the physical to the spiritual. So much so that they become one person. The unity of a man and woman is powerful enough to bring about a oneness of mind, heart and spirit that even the animals can’t enjoy. And that unity of their entire beings is so strong that no one can break it. Only God has the authority and the power to divide what has been united by his hand. This is given for the protection of the man and woman so that nothing or no one can come between them.
It is important to note the intentions of God and Jesus with regards to marriage. Both are concerned with the equality of man and woman as well as the dual responsibility of both parties.
In the creation story, it is clear that one gender does not enjoy an advantage over the other. Even though the man is created first, he is not superior to the woman. After all, he was sleeping when the woman came into being. Both the man and woman comes from God’s creative power without the help of either the man or woman.
Furthermore, it is clear that by having God take the man’s rib in order to form the woman, both are to walk side by side. There is no dominance given to one over the other. One is not created to be underfoot or the head of the other. Rather, man and woman are partners to each other. They compliment each other and are co-heirs to the life of grace that God shares with them.
When reflecting on this reality, Jesus goes further and says that because God created them equal, one does not have the right to dismiss the other. Not only is the man prevented from dismissing the wife but the wife is prevented from dismissing the husband. And both can fall into adultery by acting against the other.
The teaching that man and woman are equal partners and that neither could harm the other was a radical idea. God and Jesus are placing husband and wife on an equal plain. Both are deserving of the rights and privileges of marriage and both have responsibilities to sustain that marriage and to assist the other.
These readings do not dwell on the reasons for divorce nor do they seek to pin the adultery label on either party. What these readings do is to emphasize the true nature of marriage-- the way God intended marriage to be. And both readings emphasize with great clarity that marriage is about the equality and dignity of both the man and the woman.
But there is another factor that figures into the issue. That third party is introduced in the final paragraph of the Gospel.
We hear that there are some children who are coming to Jesus so that he can bless them but the disciples are scolding the children for this. Clearly, the disciples are still operating in the old frame of mind which said that woman and children were without any kind of importance The disciples are shooing the children away as if they were bothersome and a nuisance. But Jesus rebukes the disciples and says, “let the children come to me and do not hinder them for the kingdom of God belongs to them.”
Could it be that this scene was placed deliberately next to the teaching about marriage and divorce? After all, the greatest blessing to come from the union of a man and woman is a child— and that child is not a piece of property as was often thought, but a distinct human being wonderfully created by God with the cooperation of the husband and wife. And could it be deliberate that it is the child or the children who suffer the most from a broken marriage covenant? Clearly, children are a blessing of marriage and, even when the marriage ends, children remain as the most important responsibility of the parents. In a day and age when great numbers of children live only with one parent, we must begin to take another look at the original intent of marriage.
We recommit ourselves to upholding the dignity and value of marriage. The teachings of Jesus don’t make marriage any easier, perhaps, but in identifying the intentions of the Creator, Jesus reassures us that marriage is good and a blessing for the human family.